I've become a peach

I dunno what's going on. It seems the older I get the more magical bruises become. I noticed one today just above my left knee but I don't remember bumping it on anything. In fact I don't think there is anything in my house that is knee height. 'Hey Rocky, watch me pull a bruise outta this knee...'?
On the subject of knees, I heard on the radio that MC Hammer pants are making a comeback, for me, this is okay, not because I have a stash of them in the wardrobe, but because my fashion sense ended in 1997. These days I look for comfort and longevity in my clothing, which is why leather pants are not an option for me. In my opinion, there are only two kinds of men who can wear leather pants ... wait, three. Rock stars, not pretty boy band singers, I mean full on rock and roll mega stars. Bikers, let's face it, even if they don't suit the leather pants look, who's going to tell them? And lastly, gay men, because they just can. Because I do not fit into any of those categories, I can not and will not wear leather pants. Besides, I am sure if I did manage to get myself into them it would only rain and they would shrink on my body leading to a mega wedgie. That wedgie would be so bad that it would require hospitalisation for them to be removed and I would end up on that show '101 things removed from the human body'. After my appearance on that show, I would never be able to speak with a woman for fear of her saying to me, 'weren't you that guy on television who had the leather pants surgically removed from his bum cheeks?' Shame!
Back to MC Hammer pants. When I was in Israel, my guide took me through a Druze village and told me what little there is to know about them. The first thing she told me is there is not much known about them, the second thing, as we drove past an elderly man, a ùqqal, was that his trousers, which were MC Hammerish, were for the second coming of JC. It seems a man will be the vessel and the pants are to catch him so he doesn't bang his baby head on the road when he pops out. I gather that it is going to be a surprise. So, it seems Posh and Becks ( you know, the Beckhams) are fully into this ... the MC Hammer pants, not the religion because they couldn't get in anyway. Here's my thinking and fear on the whole matter. Lots of people are just sitting back marking off events from the Book of Revelations, right? MC Hammer pants come back in just in time for the arrival. All okay so far. What if it's David Beckham who's the vessel? We'll never hear the end of it.